The Power of Marriage
When seniors talk to young adults about major life decisions — such as careers, where to live, and who to marry — it’s clear that many have thought deeply about their job aspirations and financial goals. However, surprisingly, few have considered how marriage fits into their future. When they think about marriage, most say they want to postpone it while finding a good job as their priority. These are the findings from a study by Brad Wilcox, a professor at the University of Virginia’s National Marriage Project, and Robert Lerman of American University. Three-quarters of those between 18 and 40 said having a good job was ‘extremely’ or ‘very’ important to their happiness, versus only 32 percent who felt the same about marriage. Equally revealing findings came from a Pew study on what it means to become an adult: 88 percent of parents said their children needed to support themselves before getting married, but only 21 percent said getting married was important. Almost everyone is planning to get married eventually — just not now.
These days, only 29 percent of people under 50 think marriage is necessary for a long-lasting relationship, representing a significant drop compared to 50 percent who believed so in 2006. So, there has been a change in the importance of marriage in relationships.
David Brooks, a best-selling author, advises young adults who view marriage as a lower priority. He suggests, “There could be many reasons you might not find happiness in marriage. Maybe you won’t find someone financially stable or ready to commit, or maybe you’ll grow apart. But don’t let it happen because you didn’t think marriage was important. Don’t regret not considering it seriously when you were younger.” Brooks emphasizes that while a great career is essential, a good marriage can bring even more happiness. He encourages young adults to invest time in romantic relationships and to read authors like George Eliot and Jane Austen to understand better how to choose the right partner.
Evidence supports the belief that close relationships contribute significantly to life satisfaction more than jobs. A study by economist Sam Peltzman from the University of Chicago found that married people are about 30 points happier than those who are not. While money contributes to happiness, it does not have as significant an impact as marriage.
Marriage is the top predictor of happiness for Americans. Brad Wilcox, a sociologist and professor at the University of Virginia, notes, “Married people are happier than singles. Married men and women are almost twice as likely to report being happy as their unmarried counterparts.” He contends that marriage enhances happiness, health, and longevity — a belief supported by the evidence that shows married people generally live longer, healthier, and more affluent lives.
For nearly every measure social scientists can devise—length of life, health, happiness, wealth, and healthy sex lives– married people outperform the unmarried and the divorced. Wilcox asserts that marriages thrive when spouses embrace a proactive commitment, expressed daily through their choices, words, and actions. He also tells us that our ties with others are much more crucial to our welfare than financial status because they provide meaning, direction, and a sense of solidarity.
Two other researchers, Shawn Grover and John F. Helliwell, studied many adults over time—some got married, some didn’t. They found that getting married made people more satisfied with life, especially in middle age, typically a period of lower happiness. The increase in life satisfaction is not just due to the individuals themselves but is an effect of marriage.
Raising financial stability could help more people consider marriage, but society could benefit from prioritizing marriage and close relationships over solely focusing on careers. Brooks sums it up well in his New York Times piece, “To Be Happy, Marriage Matters More Than Career.” He encourages young adults to think seriously about marriage and invest in their relationships, which is crucial to a fulfilling and happy life.
While many young adults prioritize their careers, it is essential to consider the long-term benefits of marriage. The happiness and stability that come from a solid marital relationship often outweigh the benefits of career success alone. Therefore, finding a balance between professional aspirations and personal relationships is crucial.
To better prepare for marriage, young adults should take advantage of their youth to engage in romantic relationships and educate themselves on choosing the right partner. Reading literature by authors like George Eliot and Jane Austen can offer valuable insights into building a solid and enduring partnership. Their works explore the complexities of relationships and the qualities that make a good match, providing timeless wisdom that is still relevant today.
Society would benefit from a greater emphasis on the importance of marriage and close relationships. By recognizing that these elements are fundamental to a happy and fulfilling life, we can encourage a shift in priorities that values personal connections as much as professional achievements. Public policies and cultural narratives should support the idea that solid marriages contribute to well-being.
Finally, education can play a vital role in schools and the community. Workshops and seminars on relationship skills, communication, and conflict resolution can help young adults build the skills necessary for a marriage. Mentoring programs involving young couples paired with long-married and practicing couples could provide encouragement and support.
Media portrayals of relationships and marriage should also embrace commitment and partnership. If marriage is modeled positively, young adults will be more willing to see marriage as a cherished and realistic aspiration. Examples of couples who have weathered conflicts with successful marriages can correct unrealistic conceptions of marriage by depicting how couples who genuinely care for each other can work through even the most arduous challenges.
The ultimate goal is to get to a place that endorses marriage as central to the good life. Encouraging young adults to prioritize personal relationships over professional status promotes balance in their lives and sets them on the trajectory of flourishing adulthood. Our communities will benefit from stronger families and a reserve army of positive, engaged responsibilists.
Brooks sums it up well in his New York Times piece, “To Be Happy, Marriage Matters More Than Career.” We should encourage young adults to think seriously about marriage and invest in their relationships, as these are key to a fulfilling and happy life.
