Laughter is the shortest distance between two people –Victor Borge

What Are You Talking About?

A recent seminary graduate with an advanced degree in sociology was called on to deliver a speech to a group of seniors in a retirement community. For what seemed like an eternity to some in the audience, the young man lectured the seniors on “The Art of Living.” When the talk was over, an eighty-eight-year-old man waited until everyone but the twenty-five-year-old speaker was gone. The senior then congratulated the lecturer for delivering a speech with such confidence and conviction. “Your style and presentation were very polished for a young man your age,” he said. “I applaud you for the effort. But I must tell you something you’ll realize as you age: You don’t know what you’re talking about.”

Well Preserved?

A young girl was shopping in the supermarket with her grandfather. Grandfather selected several items at the baked goods counter, including a loaf of bread wrapped in plastic. The granddaughter removed the bread from the cart and carefully read the ingredients on the wrapping list. “Put it back, Grandpa,” she said, “too many preservatives.” But Grandpa smiled wistfully and said, “Maybe we’d better keep it. At my age, I need all the preservatives I can get.”

You’re Not a Statistic!

A man called a life insurance agent and said he wanted to take out a policy on his life.

“Fine,” said the agent, “but before we make an appointment, I would like to ask a few preliminary questions. Tell me, how old are you?”

“I’m ninety-seven-years-old,” the man replied.

“I’m very sorry,” said the agent, “but my company couldn’t possibly insure you at that age.”

Hearing this, the man became very annoyed.

“You folks are making a big mistake,” he said. “If you look carefully at your statistics, you’ll find that very few men die after they’re ninety-seven.”